National Grief Awareness Day
National Grief Awareness day was August 30th, and I would like to share my late, albeit well-meaning, support tips with you.
Grief is something we all come to expect as a part of life and an unwelcome difficulty we must all face. Losing someone, even if we are expecting to, doesn’t make it any easier to grieve. Navigating death and the circumstances around it is not a linear process, or easy. Having experienced some very traumatic losses in my own life, I know too well how complicated and difficult it can feel.
It can take years, sometimes decades, to accept the death of a loved one. I have seen that present in my practice many times. Once a funeral has taken place, the world returns back to how it was, but not for you. You are living in a world you no longer recognise, that doesn’t feel familiar, and maybe experiencing anger that the world keeps on turning while yours feels like it has imploded. I did.
Tips for Navigating Grief
In a nod to this day, I would like to share some useful information around navigating your own grief or that of someone close to you:
- Allow yourself to feel: Feel the emotions which come up, whether it is anger, despair, helplessness, feeling completely numb, or even a huge amount of gratitude to have known or loved that person. Whatever comes, let it and feel it. Don’t be afraid to feel the big or ugly emotions; it is so important we have an outlet for them.
- Look after you: Focus on the basics like eating, sleeping, showering, and exercising or walking. Keep it simple and repeat.
- Take it in small chunks: Think of grieving like a tap. Turn the tap on slightly to let a trickle of water out, and then turn it back off again if it becomes overwhelming. Sometimes when we turn the tap on it can gush out uncontrollably and feel overwhelming, which is normal. As long as there is an emotional outlet for you, whether it is a trickle or more, it is part of the process.
- Share with someone: Let someone know you are struggling one day. Let that person sit with you, hug you, or let you cry without trying to fix it. Having someone sit with you in your feelings can sometimes be enough.
- Remember them: In time, having photographs and memories around can be a source of comfort to remember your loved one, or making plans on a significant date or anniversary. Continue to feel connected in different ways and make them part of your daily life and conversations.
- Lower your self-expectations: When grieving, everything can feel harder, slower, or muddled. If you are usually a bit of an organised go-getter, lower your own bar for a while and give yourself permission to take things at a slower pace to allow your body and brain to recalibrate. As above, keep things simple and repeat.
- Movement is medicine: A slow walk, some yoga, stretching, or gardening can help release any physical tensions we feel when grieving. Exercise really helped me during this time, especially if I was feeling anxious.
- Avoid what won’t help: Stay away from alcohol, drugs, excessive spending, and risk-taking. These things may temporarily distract you from your grief, but long term they can add to the negative you are already experiencing.
- Take the help: Accept support from concerned friends, family, neighbours, or colleagues. You also don’t need to wait to be in a poor state to accept help or seek help from your doctor, a grief service, or a therapist.
Grief is hard. It is complicated. It is complex and it can be downright horrid and all-consuming at times. Whatever your grief looks like, just remember to take care of yourself in the way you need and let others know how they can help too. Talking about how you feel is always a positive, even if it can feel difficult.
If you would like support with your own grief, please get in touch for support.
See you next time,
Amy x
Urgent Support
If you are having thoughts of self-harm or suicide and can’t keep yourself safe, seek urgent help rather than trying to cope alone. Please see signposting below:
- In the UK, call 999 or go to A&E. If it is not an emergency but urgent, contact the NHS 111 urgent mental health helpline.
- Crisis support contact options are Samaritans (UK & ROI): 116 123 for 24/7 free emotional support.
- Shout Crisis Text Line (UK): Text SHOUT to 85258 for free, confidential support.